Many of us feel stuck in relationships that feel one sided. We may feel as if we are doing everything we can possibly think of to make the relationship better, but we just don’t feel as if our partner is trying anymore.
It comes as a surprise to many couples when I tell them it’s not their partner’s responsibility to meet their needs. What are these “needs” anyways? Can we really call them “needs”? It’s not like you would shrivel up and die if your partner did not complement you or begin understanding your “love language”.
Our emotional needs are not the same as our physical needs. Without water, food, and shelter, we actually could die. If your partner forgets to tell you how attractive he finds you or how great in bed you are you are not going to fall into a coma. This is not to say we can be harmful to our partners or should tolerate destructive behavior.
We often times don’t take a look underneath our reported needs to see what is going on. The needs we report to having in our relationship often are linked to some emotional hurt we are still attached to. Too often we don’t feel whole on our own and we look to our partner to make us happy or feel good about who we are.
Eckart Tolle addresses a similar concern in the video below. He is able to get to the heart of the matter and gives suggestions that help people move past the desire to have their partners fulfill their needs.