Mother-Son Sexual Abuse

Mother- Son Incest

 

For most people the idea of a mother abusing her children, let alone sexually abusing her children, just doesn’t compute.  But sadly, mothers do sexually abuse their children and even worse is that it often goes unnoticed or overlooked as harmful.

 

Many grown men who have been sexually abused by their mothers do not even label the episodes as abuse. There are various different emotions and thoughts that are common for a man who experienced abuse.

Common Characteristics of Mother- Son Incest Survivors  

 

1) Mixed Emotions- When you are an outsider and you hear about sexual abuse that happened to a child the subject is black and white and there is a clear-cut answer to who is responsible- the adult. But for the child in the situations it is rarely so clearly defined.

Many children love their parents regardless of how they are treated. It is very difficult for some grown men to say that their mother sexually abused them because they still love her.

 

2) Shame- Many men feel ashamed that their mother had sex with them not just because of the act but because they felt sexually aroused by the act.

 

3) Many report being a “willing participant”- its not uncommon for a man to report that he believed himself to be a willing participant in the sexual act his mother had with him.

 

4) They don’t call it abuse- many grown men who experienced mother-son incest do not view the sexual encounter as abusive. They may not deny that it occurred but they will say that they were a willing participant.

 

5) Men have a difficult time telling anyone they were sexually abused by their mother (or anyone for that matter). 

 

6) Denial- Men can deny that a sexual encounter was abuse for a number of various reasons. Some will use the excuse that there was no penile penetration so it can’t be abuse. Others will say that since they derived some sexual arousal from the interaction that it was not abuse.

 

7) They feel responsible for what happened- men are socialized to be the instigators of most sexual encounters. They are encouraged to like sex, to be the one in control of the sexual act

 

 

Examples of Most-Son Incestuous Behaviors Performed by Mother 

(Found in Dr Hani Miletski’s book Mother-Son Incest: The Unthinkable Broken Taboo Persists)

 

Overt Behaviors

-Intercourse

-Forcing the boy to have sex with other people

-Using the boy for masturbation by rubbing him against her genitals

-Making him perform cunnilingus on her

-Masturbating in front of the son

-Performing fellatio on the boy

-Masturbating the son

-Having the son fondle and suck her breasts

-Inserting her fingers and other objects into the boy’s anus

-Coercing the son to be sexual with animals

 

Covert Behaviors

-Intruding upon the adolescent son’s privacy in the shower

-Bathing the son until he is in his teens and cleaning his penis excessively

-Bathing together with the son

-Wiping the boy’s anus until he is old enough to go to school and giving him frequent enemas for no apparent reason

-Sleeping in the same bed and hugging the boy during the night

-Giving son sensual massages

-French Kissing the boy

-Excessive holding, kissing and caressing

-Exhibiting seductive behavior

-Leaving the bathroom door open on purpose

-Dressing and undressing in front of the boy

-Walking around naked or in a see-through negligee

-Having the son witness sexual activities with other men

-Showing son pornographic movies

-Photographing son for sexual purposes

-Ridiculing son’s sexual development, penis, or preferences

-Engaging in sexual talk with son or confiding to him about sexual issues

-Treating the boy as a female, for example, making him wear girls’ outfits and refusing to cut his hair

-Parentifying the son; making him feel responsible for the mother’s well being and emotional support

 

How Sexual Abuse Can Effect Grown Men.

The effects of sexual abuse differ case-by-case. Some men report no obvious implication from the abuse. They support their mother and have a deep relationship with her.

 

Other men can end up developing great feelings of rage toward their mothers and the people who knew about the abuse and let it go on. There are men who have trouble getting into long-term relationships because of unresolved feelings of confusion and anger.

 

There are many men who report having mixed emotions and feel as if they need to protect their mother while at the same time have the desire to process what went on in their past.

 

You will see some men, who still harbor shame about the events from their childhood abuse, create sexual fantasies in which they are in some shape or form being humiliated by their partner.  I tend to see these fantasies change (or go away completely) as they begin to address the shame and guilt that they have carried with them for so long.

 

 

 

Mother-Son Sexual Abuse was last modified: October 11th, 2012 by Tara

6 Comments

  1. jarheadmixupsoup
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    I have been sexual abused by my mother since I was six to 12. She would fondle and sometimes talk dirty to me like one time when I was 11 or 12 she a would say things like” your penis is getting big” then she would try to feel me up. Sometimes she would walk around naked or leave her door open after she took a bath . I have problems forming emotional attachments whether for a friend or love interest ,I get angry for know reason at all .the thing is I never saw this as a bad thing that she did I thought that it was normal it was only when i moved into adulthood that I realized that I a had been abused and that it has affected me .and sometimes its hard being angry at my mother.

  2. Posted February 6, 2013 at 1:31 pm | Permalink

    Thank you for sharing. I know it’s not always easy sharing a personal story like the one you disclosed. Having mixed emotions of anger and love for your mother can be very confusing and difficult but is not uncommon. It may be helpful to find a support group in your area to see how others have coped with similar problems.

  3. Jen
    Posted November 12, 2013 at 2:40 am | Permalink

    I need information and guidance on this topic. My boyfriend just told me about living this same experience. How can I help him?

  4. Posted November 14, 2013 at 2:46 am | Permalink

    Jen,
    It’s nice that your boyfriend has a loving person like you in his life. He may be a better person to ask that question, “how can I help”? People feel supported in different ways. Some want space, while others want to talk. Meet him where he is. If he wants to be angry- let him. If he wants to grieve- give him space to. If he wants to forgive- support his choice.

  5. Bob
    Posted September 3, 2014 at 1:37 pm | Permalink

    Hello Everyone! I’m new to the site and I’m amazed at how many guys are affected by this. I thought I was alone for a long time.

    In 1971 I was 14. This is when my mother began molesting me. This continued till I was 18 when she died in a house fire Dec. 26 1976. The incest/sex and her death has caused some twisted things to happen in my life and I’m just NOW starting to deal with them. I guess it’s better late than never.

  6. Dave
    Posted October 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

    Hi guys, May I ask some of you for some help? Would you say that you should have still been allowed to see your mother or do you think that you would have been better of if they removed her completely from your life? Please answer and perhaps I will go even further and create a website based on your responses where I will let you share your stories. This is important that you answer the first question because I am helping someone and the courts still want to force the child to see his mother after she has molested him. Supervised Visits.

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