The truly given gift will never result in loss. When the gift or acts we share in our relationship are truly gifts they cannot result in resentment.
What happens in many relationship is that we give something, not as a gift, but as a loan that is meant to accrue interest. We give something away to our partner hoping it will give us back something better. These interactions are subtle but have a very serious impact on the relationship.
The interaction might look like: I’ll make you dinner, if you thank me. It may appear as: I’ll work very hard and give money to you and our family but I need you to act in a particular manner (i.e. more sex, you must appreciate me). OR I’ll be patient but you must change.
We have the ability to give from two different sources: fear or love. When we give from a place of fear, we give from a place of seeing ourselves as incomplete or lacking something. We give a gift thinking that the other person has something of value that we need to obtain. This something of value may be something as simple as getting a thank you in return or having that person acknowledge you for your effort. Either way you are looking for something particular to come out of it.
When we give from a place of love we experience a very different interaction in the giving of a gift or performing of an action.
When we give from a place of love we give from a place of knowing our true complete nature. When we give from a place of love, we give and do not require a particular behavior. Love needs nothing. Love is whole and complete on it’s own. When we give from a place of love we are reminded of our own complete loving nature.
When love is the source of the giving we welcome any response without the slightest irritation. Giving from a place of love we are reminded of our wholeness.
Something helpful to remember:
If you are about to give something and you are not ok with every response that could come out of your choice to give it is sign that you are giving from fear and not love. Giving from fear equates to giving with the hopes of getting something back or giving with the hopes to fill a void that you perceive in yourself. Giving from fear is one of the surest ways to build resentment.