Unloved, Unappreciated and Unraveling
My heart feels for someone who tells me they don’t feel appreciated in their relationship. Feeling unacknowledged in a relationship is something I can relate to on a very personal level. I think it something to which we all can relate.
We all want our loved one to see the good in us, and all the wonderful qualities we bring to our relationship.
Feeling unappreciated is typically two components. It comes from both thinking that someone is not focusing on our positive quality and that they are drawing more attention to our faults than necessary. It is very possible that your partner is looking at your negative qualities more than the ones that we find redeeming.
Its not that we are in denial of our flaws or that we are trying to hide them from the world- we know they’re there. Some of us may even be able to accept our shortcomings.
A person’s feeling of being unvalued may be just as much the other person picking out their flaws as it is the fact that their great qualities are being overlooked because their imperfections have taken center stage in the relationship. Its helpful for a couple to remember that every great quality brings with it a shadow side.
The stability that balances the checkbook and pays the bills on time may find it challenging to break way from the orthodox way of living.
But just because the person like constancy and order doesn’t mean they are defected when they have eaten at the same restaurant for the last decade. This person may feel that their steadiness is being unappreciated when they are criticized for going to the same restaurant.
The whimsical, carefree person who brought a breath of fresh in to your life with their arrival may be great at keeping things interesting and new, but their forte can fall short when it comes to sticking to a plan or even having a plan. This person wants you to see their lighthearted side and to stop focusing on how they flake out.
Someone who was originally drawn to you for your carefree nature is now disgusted by the fact that you can never stick to the plan. Or that great man who you saw as stable in the beginning of your relationship is now boring because he won’t take a spontaneous weekend trip to the mountains.
Our perception all comes down to what we choose to focus our attention on: the shadow or the light.
If you have any positive attributes (and I am sure you do) you too bring with them a shadow side. You want your partner to focus on the good in you, but when is the last time you saw to good in your partner?
It’s much harder to see the greatness in your partner when they are criticizing or ignoring you. So have you been making it easy for your partner to see this greatness in you?
Try this experiment- Whatever you believe you are lacking in your relationship give that to your partner.
If you desire more respect, then respect is what you are to give your partner. If you want your partner to perform random acts of kindness with no strings attached then that is what you are to do for your partner. If you want your partner to be more forgiving than begin to show forgiveness. If you want to be appreciated show your partner you appreciate them.
Perform these acts without expectations or conditions. Give these gifts freely to your partner and you may be surprised at the change you witness in your relationship.