Dear Tara, Lost in the Struggle

 

Dear Tara,

I am so tired of struggling in my life. It seems like everything I touch goes wrong.  A year and a half ago I left my husband of 15 years because he was cheating on me excessively.  It seemed like there was nothing that I could do to save the marriage so I left our home in DC to start a new life in Charleston SC.  Because of the economy the real-estate business we own together is doing poorly and he can’t afford to buy me out. We also cannot sell our house because no one is buying. I can’t seem to find a steady job and to make matters even worse my “ex” is now dating someone new.  I am so tired of struggling and don’t know what to do. Can you offer any words of encouragement or advice?

 

Signed,

Lost in the Struggle

 

Dear Lost in the Struggle,

 

You have experienced a number of life changes over the last few years. It’s easy to get caught up in the movement and feel as if we have been trampled by a stampede of wild armadillos.  We end up feeling like we are a tennis ball in a heat match moving wherever life hits us.

 

What we don’t realize is that we always have the option of letting go of that tennis ball. We can begin to watch the ball being hit back and forth without clinging to it for dear life.

 

You can’t struggle unless you’re fighting against something.  So the easiest, most peaceful way to end the struggle is to surrender to what life is presenting. You can make your life into an enemy or a friend simply by how you decide to address the current moment. Being fully present is essential to how your life will go.

 

All we have is this current razor’s edge of now. Everything else is a memory of the past or a prediction of what we think the future has in store for us. Nothing ever goes wrong in the moment, ever.  The only thing that can go “wrong” are our fears for what the future holds or our judgments of the past.

 

Stop and ask yourself at this very moment in your life, as you read this response in front of the computer, what is going wrong.  If you said your husband cheated, you can’t find work, no one will buy your house, guess what you are not looking: at the present moment.

 

At this very minute sliver of space in your life what is going wrong?  Your answer will always be “Nothing”.  Nothing ever goes wrong in the current moment; it’s not possible.

 

Anything you can label as good or bad is held in our mind outside of the present moment. We need to experience something first before it can be labeled. After the occurrence has already passed are we able to label it as worthy or unworthy, kind or unkind, good or bad?  But the moment has already passed and therefore when you are living in the present moment things don’t affect you in the same way as living in the future or the past.

 

Getting out of your head will help you handle what life has presented to you. Remember you are always the observer of the game and not the game- your emotions and perspective don’t have to move when the ball moves.

 

 

I wish you all the best with what life is presenting you,

Tara