How to be Happy: The role true forgiveness plays in regards to our happiness.

True Forgiveness:

At one time or another we all find ourselves uttering the phrase, “I’m not ready to forgive, yet”.  When I talk about forgiveness in my office, resistance is not an uncommon response.


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We resist because we lack the understanding that true forgiveness has more to do with our own peace of mind than it has to

do with giving someone some offering.  When I work with people I try to get them to take an honest look at what a grudge is doing for them.


Holding on to old resentment takes a great amount of energy, it hardens our hearts, and blocks us from experiencing happiness. We get a very short burst of delight when we complain but this glee is short-lived and if we pay close attention we will see that a feeling of disturbance follows it.


If you’re holding onto bitterness ask yourself- How do I feel when I think about this grudge? Angry, sad, frustrated, self-righteous, disgusted? Do you like feeling this way? Where would you be without this on your mind and in your heart?


When we truly forgive someone it releases us. We can tell the difference between giving someone lip service forgiveness and when we offer true forgiveness.

When we offer genuine amnesty we can actually feel that it has a physical effect on us. We experience the body relaxing, our chest feels more open and we are freed to a lighter sensation. True forgiveness is amazing for ourselves.


Sometimes forgiveness feels difficult. You believe if you forgive that people will begin taking advantage of you. Forgiveness does not mean you become a doormat or can’t ever say “no”. Forgiveness does not mean you have to put up with other’s unconscious behavior that is causing you harm.


There are times when we must to move away from unconscious behavior but we can do it without holding a grudge.


If you are not ready to forgive, don’t. You will not be able to forgive until you are ready. You will be ready to forgive when you see that it is not getting you what you really want.