“I Can’t Decided!”: Help on making difficult decision

So many of us get stuck when it comes to making what we consider a difficult decision about our life. If you find yourself reading this, chances are you might be in the middle of trying to determine what your next step will be.

 

When we get stuck we’ll often seek out the advice of a trusted friend, respected clergyman, a family member or even (if times get really tough) we’ll seek out the help of a therapist. Sometimes the advice of others can leave us feeling even more confused.

 

One party may tell us to stay and the other to go. What we hear may not line up with exactly with what we believe is the right answer. Even if the advice does seem to be solid it can still seem to be lacking a very important element….your support of the decision.

 

We can be reluctant to take good advice because there is a part of us that still resists it, but why?

 

 

Sometimes good advice can go against an idea or image we have of ourselves that we have become very attached to.  For instance, deciding to stay in an abusive relationship.

 

Our friend’s suggestion to leave a woman or man who is destructive may seen very logical to us but it may go against another belief we still hold very important or true. Such ideas could be, “I can’t support myself without them”, “I’ll never find someone else”, “I deserve the abuse I get”, “If this person gets their feelings hurt it means I am a bad person” and so on.

 

It’s often these beliefs that end up shaping our lives and if they are left unexamined they will influence the next relationship we encounter. This is one of the reasons people seem to find themselves in the same situation over and over again.

 

Our beliefs guide us to see what we want to see and to find situations that support them.  Change your beliefs and you will change your life situation.

 

I encourage you to look closely to examine your beliefs that influence your decisions. Challenge these beliefs. The beliefs that you have carried around so long, are they even true? When we begin to challenge our beliefs the false ones begin to dissolve under the light of truth.

 

In other words, when we question our beliefs we often discover that they are irrational. When we see how irrational they are it becomes more difficult to give them the same power they had over our lives.

 

 

In the mean time, cut yourself some slack. People often will come to therapy thinking they have to make an important decision that minute. They often times have felt they have had to make this decision immediately for quite sometime. Yes…funny logic when we really look at but who hasn’t been there.

 

 

It’s okay not to know.  If we could remember this it would make our decision making much easier. We put ourselves under great pressure believing, “I don’t know and I need to know”.  This is craziness. If you absolutely needed to know something don’t you think you would know it?

 

This is another thought we let go unquestioned. You’ve gone on not knowing for quite some time so obviously you don’t need to know.

 

What would happen if you took the pressure of needing to know off the decision-making? Would your anxiety decrease? Most people answer “yes” to this. Would you be better equipped to make an informed decision from a place of extreme anxiety or a place of lowered anxiety? Most people answer the later.

 

There are times we get so caught up in the possibility of making the wrong choice that it paralyzes us.  There are times that, after weighing out the pros and cons, we still feel no closer to the answer. We wonder, oh crap, now what?

 

I often encourage people who feel overwhelmed to take a break from the decision-making process. Sleep on it, go for a jog, walk away from the task of making a choice.

 

How many of us have experienced those times of just having the right answer come to us after we stop messing with it? Those times when a clear thought comes out of the blue and we know it is what we were looking for all along.

 

These moments of inspiration come in an instant. They are not forced and they seem to fit perfectly. The correct answer will come to you; the timing will be just as perfect as the answer.

 

Another thing to remember, no matter what path you choose it will always work out. It doesn’t always work out the way we think we want it to or think it should but it does always work out.