How Well Do We Really See Our Relationships?: Finding your blind spot
“Understand that you do not respond to anything directly, but to your interpretation of it. Your interpretation thus becomes the justification for the response.” ACIM, Chapter 12, paragraph 1
I enjoy reading “A Course in Miracles” because it always seems to give me a different way of interpreting things in my life. Lately, I feel as if I have needed assistance in the way I view things. So, when I came across this chapter it really hit a chord with me. It helps me put my recent obstacle (or lesson I am learning) into perspective.
On a recent trip to Thailand I noticed something about myself that surprised me a little more than I expected. For quite some time before the Thailand trip I had been living in sattva (or in other words a state of balance, peace and steadiness). I was taking life as it came, welcoming what is, and letting whatever happened occur without judgment.
It happened in Thailand. Or I noticed it in Thailand may be a more accurate statement. I started to notice how judgmental I was.
My judgments were rarely vocalized to the people I was condemning but never the less they were still there. The target of most of my castigations would probably be one of my best friends with whom I was exploring Thailand.
Looking back I can logically say that my friend was not doing anything “wrong” accept not living up to my expectations of how they should perform. Things that would annoy me would be minor things:
*not paying attention to time and being late,
*not wearing sun sunscreen and getting burned after I informed them that the sun was different in Thailand and they should be careful
*after being burned using up my sunscreen that cost a small fortune at the beach of Ao Nang where I purchased it
*and other minor annoyances that really didn’t matter.
My friend with whom I was traveling is one of my dearest friends. We’ve known each other for many years (over a decade). Our relationship has grown through many phases. This individual and I are very close and yet, even with our strong bound, I have not grown past the fact that this friend can push my buttons very quickly. But isn’t that the case with our closest relationships?
Ram Dass said, “If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family”. His words are both humorous and make a good point. The people who are closest in our lives, the individuals with whom we have the most history, have the greatest ability of showing us where we are stuck. They act as a mirror, in a sense, that shows us we still have something covering our true divine nature.
When you look in the mirror and you see you have ketchup on your face it would be insane to get angry at the mirror. And yet, in our lives when situations present to us an opportunity to grow we get angry at the situation or person, all the time not realizing they are only the mirror.
When reading ACIM I came across this quote that I felt was directly related to the judgment I was experiencing:
“Understand that you do not respond to anything directly, but to your interpretation of it. Your interpretation thus becomes the justification for the response.” ACIM, Chapter 12, paragraph 1
The paragraph goes on to say:
“That is why analyzing the motives of others is hazardous to you. If you decide that someone is really trying to attack you or desert you or enslave you, you will respond as if he had actually done so, having made his error real to you. To interpret error is to give it power, and having done this you will overlook truth.”
Whatever we look for in another we will find. If you think a person is an idiot, you will find evidence for this. If think a person is funny you will find evidence for this. If you think this person is doing the best the best they can and is innocent you will see this. In this way we have the power to create the environment in which we reside.