How Saying No to Sex Can Have a Big Erotic Pay Off with Your Marriage.

For many marriages that are struggling with a sexless marriage saying “NO” to sex may actually bring them closer to having an amazing sex life together.

Media seems to bombard us with the idea that couples should be having hot-sweaty sex, multiples time a day- so its no wonder if our sex life falls short of an erotic theme park we begin to wonder if our relationship is in some way defective.

It is unrealistic to expect every sexual encounter to mimic lusty scenes that can be witnessed in movies, hot story-lines read about in magazines or imagine some other couple is having. Expectations like these inevitably set us up to feel that our sex lives are in some way inadequate.

However, even with realistic expectations, many couples still struggle with their sexual relationship.

If you and your partner are experiencing difficulty with your sexual relationship, you are not alone. Some surveys suggest that there are roughly 40 million Americans living in no-sex/low sex relationships this accounts for one in five relationships. A no-sex relationship is defined as engaging in sexual intercourse ten or fewer times in a 12-month span.

There are a number of individuals who believe that other couples are having passionate sex on a nightly basis, but the frequency at which the average couple is having sex may surprise you.

In his article, Bridges to Sexual Desire, Barry W. McCarthy, respected sex and marriage therapist, reports that the run of the mill American couple discloses having sex on an average of 58 and 61 times a year. This is just over once a week. Hopefully this statistic can help set realistic goals for you and your partners sex life, as well as dissolve the unrealistic ideals established by locker room talk and movies.

Note that if both partners are content with this level of sexual activity (or lack there of), then there is no need to change the pattern. However, if one or both partners are unsatisfied with the frequency of sexual activity then steps should be taken to improve the situation.

Unfortunately, there is not one size fits all solution to increasing the frequency of sexual encounters in a relationship. Various factors can lead to a low sex/ no sex marriage, which means various solutions can re-establish a couple’s sexual connection.

Takings sex off the table is just one thing Barry McCarthy suggests to couples who want to re-introduce sex to their marriage.

Yes, you heard me right. If a couple is not having sex (with exception of the few, infrequent exceptions) and find that you and your partner are in a gridlocked fight about the topic, taking sex off the table can be the first positive step forward in the right direction.

This solution seems paradoxical in nature- stop having sex to have sex, but this functions to take the pressure off not having sex.

Often, tension can build between couples when one person wants sex and the other doesn’t. Sex becomes the elephant in the room, a point of contention, another arrow in your emotional arsenal to bring out during a feud.

By coming to the joint agreement to address the concern head on and remove the possibility of sex, the couple can begin to address the issue without the pressure lurking in the background.

The question of why are we not having sex yet is eliminated, the low-sex partners can feel comfortable initiating and receiving nonsexual touch when they are not trying to fend off unwanted sexual advances.

The decision to stop having sex is not the end of addressing the lack of sex but rather just one of the first steps to finding a solution.