The Question of the Small Penis and the Fetish that Followed: Embarrassed about a Fetish or Small Penis

I’m a straight male in my early 30s and I have a very small dick. For five years I’ve been hiring attractive hookers to play with my dick and tell me how it could never satisfy them and basically humiliate me verbally. I now find myself in a “normal” relationship with a cute, relatively vanilla girl who I couldn’t possibly ask to satisfy my bizarre fetish.

Being verbally humiliated about my small dick exacerbated another problem: a psychological block that prevents me from believing I can satisfy a woman. My girlfriend says the sex is great, and I’m great at eating her tasty little pussy, which I love to do. I don’t want to go back to hookers, but I can’t bring myself to share my “fetish” about my desire to be humiliated with regard to my tiny cock. Any thoughts?

Shrink Wrapped In Chicago

First, SWIC, you can satisfy a woman—you are satisfying a woman—but don’t take my word for it, or your girlfriend’s. Take the word of Savage Love guest expert extraordinaire Alice Dreger, a faculty member of the Medical Humanities and Bioethics Program at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine. Responding to a man with a small dick in this space last year, Dreger cited a study showing that small-dicked men often have “close and long-lasting relationships” with women. The women studied attributed their sexual satisfaction to the extra effort their partners went to during oral or nonpenetrative sex. Sounds like you’re one of those very satisfying, extra-effort guys. So buck up. 

That said, SWIC, if being verbally humiliated about your tiny cock turns your tiny crank, fucking go for it. Your dick caused you nothing but grief for years; don’t deny yourself whatever pleasure you’ve learned to take in it now. But before you go back to those attractive hookers, risk telling your girlfriend about this fetish. You do the things that satisfy her and I’ll bet she’s just as interested in doing the things that satisfy you. But she can’t do those things if you don’t trust her enough to tell her what they are.

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This is a great question addressed to Dan Savage that can be found in his Savage Love blog. I like his answer for two very different but specific reasons.

Reason 1: Savage encourages the guy to talk to his girlfriend about his fetish. Many people can be wary about sharing personal information with their mate. When we begin to rearrange our lives to hide information from our partners it can cause more problems in our relationship.

Granted you don’t always know how someone is going to react. They might walk out the door after hearing what you have to share. But if you want an intimate relationship with someone you will eventually have to take down your protective walls and share beyond the superficial level.

For those of you reading this who don’t know- a fetish is defined as a sexual attraction to something or some situation that is not typically considered sexual in nature. It can include feet, shoes, hair, leather, latex, balloons and almost anything else under that sun that is not typically thought of as sexual.

It is interesting the things that we have deemed okay erotic stimuli and the things we consider “odd”.  We consider it alright to get turned on by breasts, pecks, butts, legs even abdominals but other body parts (i.e. feet, hands, ears, noses, etc.) didn’t make the cut.

Fetishes are typically harmless but can become “pathogenic” in nature.

Consider if you will you are someone who can only get turned on if you are with someone who lets you rip their pantyhose off. If your mate is willing to wear panty holes every time you have sex than it isn’t such a big deal…but it can be if your mate gets tired of wearing them (or it gets too expensive to keep replacing torn pantyhose).

I have gotten off topic. Let me tell you the second reason I liked his response to the gentle man with the question.

Reason 2: Dan Savage gives credit to men everywhere who possess a small penis. He even discusses research that looks at how men with smaller dicks are considered by a number of their partners to be very satisfying lovers.

By design the vagina has little feeling after you get past the entrance- usually sensation diminishes within an inch or two after you enter. For those who are not the proud owners of a vagina I’ll give you the example my high school sex ed teacher gave us to show what diminished sensitivity might feel like.

Bring your attention to your elbow skin. Pinch your elbow. You will find that the skin on you elbow does not hurt as much as the skin on your hand would hurt after a good pinching. This feeling of limited sensation is similar to the upper portion of the vagina. This being said you don’t need a large penis to give a woman a vaginal orgasm the most sensitive area is at the entrance.

I have written in a prior blog entry, Does Size (Really) Matter?, discussing why bigger isn’t always better and how in many cases it can be a hindrance to great sex.